When Motherhood Isn’t What You Expected: Coping with Matrescence

No one prepares you for how much motherhood can change you.

While people talk about sleepless nights and dirty diapers, few prepare you for the inner upheaval that can come with becoming a mother. The word matrescence describes this profound transformation — emotionally, physically, and psychologically — as you adjust to a new identity.

For many, matrescence includes joy and bonding, but it can also bring grief, anxiety, guilt, and a sense of lost self. The pressure to "bounce back" or to feel grateful at all times can silence valid struggles.

What is Matrescence?

Coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael, matrescence is the process of becoming a mother. Like adolescence, it’s a time of rapid identity shifts and hormonal, emotional, and psychological change.

You may feel:

• A disconnect from your "old self"

• Heightened sensitivity, irritability, or overwhelm

• Grief over the loss of independence

• Guilt for not feeling how you "should"

• A deep identity shift as you redefine your priorities and values

You’re Not Alone

If you’ve felt disoriented or unlike yourself since becoming a parent, you are not alone. These feelings are not a sign of weakness or failure. They are a normal part of matrescence, and you deserve support as you navigate them.

How Therapy Can Help

Therapy can offer:

• Space to process the changes without judgment

• Tools to reconnect with your identity

• Help naming and validating complex emotions

• Support in navigating relationships, career shifts, and self-worth

There is no "right way" to do motherhood. If your inner world feels shaken, it may be time to reach out. You don’t have to navigate this alone.